So for the second time this year, yesterday the N.Y. Post had a “love child” on the front page. This time it was Randi Johnson’s daughter Heather Roszell; on Jan. 30 it was Isiah Thomas’ son Marc Dones.
The stories are a little similar: each was fully financially supported by their father, but never saw him.
Roszell, 16, told the Post she’d write Johnson letters, and “would get cards back from him with just his signature — ‘Randy.’ “I never got [more of] a response, so it got to the point where I didn’t want to deal with not getting the response.”
“He hasn’t been a good dad to me,” Dones, 19, told the paper in January. “He’s never returned my calls – that’s just him. … I think I deserve two words from him – ‘hi’ and ‘goodbye,’ something like that.”
It’s pretty friggin’ sad, that’s for sure.
Financially, these kids have done very well. Roszell receives $60,000 annually tax-free from Johnson. An earliy agreement had Dones receiving $33,000 a year tax-free plus $100,000 when he turned 18, but after a court victory Thomas agreed to pay a “considerable” and undisclosed amount more.
But I’m not exactly sure that having that much money so young really does a kid any good. When the Post talked to him, the 19-year-old Dones said he had “deferred” his college plans and didn’t seem to have any real goals. “I’ve traveled a lot and don’t plan to live in Michigan for the rest of my life,” he said. “Who knows where I’ll end up?” (not that I wasn’t a slacker too at that age … but still)
Here’s my question. We’ve already discussed whether men should have to pay child support for children they don’t want in out-of-wedlock situations. But this is really more of a moral question — did Thomas and Johnson have any ethical duty to “be a father” for these kids who share half his D.N.A.? I know what I’d want if I were in Dones or Roszell’s shoes … but that isn’t really a moral argument.
For what it’s worth, Dones was conceived two months before Thomas’ wedding to another woman, while Roszell’s mother dumped Johnson just before Roszell’s birth.
To your question if they had any ethical duty to be a father, no. Not if it wasn’t what they wanted. It still goes back to original intent. You cannot force a person to be a parent, hell even a good parent at that.
It’s something you want to be. For those that dont’ want children, or don’t want to be good parents, please never have children. They deserve so much better. They deserve to be cared for and raised by someone that loves them.
Money is no substitute for love. And altho the courts may force you to pay for your child, I hope they don’t force parents to spend time with children they dont’ want. You cannot force fatherly, or even motherly, love where there is none. You will just screw the kids up even more.