Got this via email. Not sure who to attribute it to, but thought it was pretty good.
Last week, Nomar saved two women who had fallen into Boston Harbor. (That’s true.) Here’s what would have happened if others had been in a similar spot.
Cabrera would’ve saved three instead of two and done it for less and been great in the clubhouse afterward.
Ortiz would have waited until the last minute and there were 5 more girls in the water and then saved them all
ARod would’ve done an incredible job diving in, getting the girls, pulling them almost all the way to the shore… and then would’ve failed miserably at the end. The cold water would’ve done a number on his circulation/lips.
Renteria definitely would have saved them, because it was a life or death situation. If he’d just gone in to get some kid’s frisbee or some thing mundane, he probably would have jumped into the water and landed on a Duckboat, sinking it and killing dozens.
Mueller’s done this 10 times but you never heard a peep about it.
Damon would have walked on the water until he got to them, then thrown them halfway back to the dock.
Buck Showalter jumped in, grabbed the two girls, and was about ten feet from shore when Steinbrenner jumped into the water, pulled him away, and let Torre finish the rescue.
If someone fell in the Harbor while Timlin was there, he would save them. Anyone in the Harbor before he arrived would drown.
Manny would wonder what all the fuss was about followed by a double finger point salute to the girls.
Derek Lowe would have bought the girls drinks all night and then fallen in love with them.
Myers would need to team up with Bradford since only one of the girls was left-handed.
Bronson would have saved the girls, then brought them back to their dorm to party.
Abe Alvarez wouldn’t have seen them.
If Bellhorn tried to dive in he would have missed the Harbor.
Millar would have shown up, sat on a park bench, talked to the cameras, came up with another slogan and contributed absolutely nothing, all while saying he’s not the best athlete but brings other things to the table besides being able to swim, and rescue people.
Grady would have left them out there too long.
Larry Lucchino would of called on Theo to make the save. They would of stood on the bank of the Harbor arguing. They never came to an agreement, and the women drowned. Larry then calls Dan Shaughnessy, who in return spins the story and makes Theo look like the “bad guy”. Theo cries, resigns and holds a press conference to try and make himself look like King of The Nation.
In the end………it was John Henry’s fault!